Ah, Yes, I Remember This

• Feeling so normal at times that you forget new life is growing inside you
• Then feeling so blah that you wonder if this was a big mistake (nah)
• Feeling queasy enough to not want to cook, but not bad enough to actually puke
• Then eating just about all the time because you think that will make you feel a little better
• Wanting to jump out of your skin when your nursing toddler wants "milk, mama" for the umpteenth time (can you say sensitive? Yeouch!)
• Being absolutely wiped out by four in the afternoon that you see no harm to leaving the house in the hands of six kids under 12 to put your feet up and rest

I'm right between 6-7 weeks, which puts me around the time when symptoms start rearing their ugly heads. I started doubting the results of the pregnancy test last week because I felt so good and normal and not pregnant, but not doubtful enough to use the other test that came in the box. This week, though, I really can't deny it anymore. :-)

We haven't told the kids yet because we haven't told our parents yet and don't want the cat to be let out of the bag. Last night at supper, our 3 year old was pestering our almost 12 year old daughter sitting beside him. In a frustrated huff she said to him, "When will you finally realize that I don't want any more brothers and sisters?" Oh. My. Goodness. It took all my strength to not leap across the table and strangle her. OK, so maybe that's overstating it a bit, but I was fuming and I let her know how selfish and rotten she sounded.

I didn't stop there. I let her know that compared to other large families we know, she and her siblings had it pretty darn easy, her especially so because she is the oldest girl. We very rarely make her do anything, we don't overburden her with responsibilities she can't handle. She doesn't have to change diapers or get little ones dressed or fed. The most we ask her to do is to make sure to prepare some extra soup for lunch in case someone else would like to have some or to accompany her little brothers to the concession stand at baseball games to make sure they don't get ripped off. In essence, we let her be a kid. And yet, she feels burdened by her siblings. Go figure.

Of all the kids, she will surely be the one most perturbed by the announcement of another child joining our family. Our oldest son will be thrilled...he loves babies. The rest will roll with the punches, being happy for the most part according to their level of understanding. And the rest of the family? Well, we're hesitant in telling them because we're so darn tired of hearing time and again the tone of disappointment. My mother keeps hoping we're done and hasn't hesitated to state that after each birth. The in-laws worry about my health and well-being, as though this is something that their son imposed on me.

Eventually it all boils down to one issue: they all look at it as Natural Family Planning not working. That's primarily because they don't understand how NFP works, how motivation is such a big factor, and how we, as faithful married Catholics are called to be generous in the service of life. They don't understand that we are called to carry our cross and unite our sacrifice with that of Christ's supreme sacrifice; that our lives are not meant to be constantly carefree and light if we are striving to be holy.

Pray for us...